You're not tall enough for this ride!

A couple of days ago, I went to a meditation meeting. I love these, but struggle with being silent for a whole 5 minutes. My mind is pretty much a constant carnival of sex, screaming babies, and recipes I'd like to try. It's messy in there, and seductive demons always float in, knocking on the back of my forehead, Come and play with us, Candi...

Someone once suggested asking these demons to sit with you as you meditate rather than playing mental bouncer. As the name suggests, my demons are not nice. They're like my own entourage of mean girls, except they never make me look cool because they're imaginary. So all I get out of this distorted relationship is their incessant sh*t talking. Would you like to meet some of them?

Meet Crow...Mission hipster dyke on a fixie bike doing circles around me on Valencia. She gave herself that name because she HATES that her given name is gender suggestive. Covered in tats. Asymmetrical haircut. Fled to SF from some small town to escape their 'agenda.'

Crow: Hey, you stupid b**ch.
Me: Oh, heeeey Dee. How are things?
Crow: What the eff do you care?
Me: I actually don't, asshole! Why do you flood me, sneering, and hating?
Crow: Cuz you're not a real dyke! You try to fool us with your hair and careless gait. You sleep with men when you think SF isn't looking. You are horrible to your gf's. Your art and 'creativity' is juvenile, and we all know you don't recycle your compost!
Me: Frakin' eh!! OUCH, biotch!! Ugh, can we have coffee to talk about this? Maybe chat and breathe together?
Crow: I suppose…is it fair trade?
Me: I could do fair trade.
Crow: Hmm, I guess.


Eww, I feel sick. I think I just therapized myself via innocent blogging. I feel like I am on the verge of a breakthrough, a burp struggling to surface. And when it does, gaseous insecurities will spill onto my lap. I seriously feel like I'm going to be ill. I want to cry. I need a cigarette and screamo music. Playlist- Slipknot's, My Plague, Deftone's, Shove it, and Distiller's, Idoless. Repeat 2x. Brb.


Crow was enough of a carnival ride for me today. I'll play with the others later. Maybe.